What's Next? - Boadicea Brown

It is strange, despite everything that has been thrown at us recently, at the moment I feel very calm and at peace with what has happened. Everyday I can feel myself becoming stronger and overcoming the pain of surgery and what I have lost. It does help knowing that I can rest whenever I need and I can watch whatever telly I like and not have to negotiate with a 5 year old. In fact I feel so good that I am questioning it….a sign of anxiety I suppose, that expectation that something must be wrong.

What has been bothering me, though, is how my jeans are a little tighter now. I did ask the surgeon several times if this could be related to swelling and fluid from the operation. You know draining down from gravity….??? Apparently this is not true and wishful thinking on my part. Just need to eat less chocolate and do a little more exercise!! Errmmmm I have heard this somewhere before!

So from here we move to chemotherapy for one year. I have been told that what I have had to conquer so far, is bigger than dealing with chemo. However I am not looking forward to any of the side effects such as hair loss, fatigue, loss in concentration, short-term memory loss, vomiting, nausea, skin sensitivity, mouth ulcers, reduction in immunity, changes in fertility, numbness in fingers and toes, diarrhoea, constipation, bleeding and bruising more easily, early menopause, loss in hearing, contamination to others……the list goes on and on! My biggest concerns are fertility and fatigue. Being able to look after the kids, continue working, work on Boadicea Brown and maintain a household seem pretty daunting. We always talked of 2 kids, but when the choice could be ripped from us, it just feel so final. What is something were to happen to them, what if we want another….??

At the moment I can only potter about for about 4 hours before I need to rest. Kids don’t let you do that though, so goodness knows how this is going to work. I can only return to my training and therapy and deal with what is right in front of me and stop catastrophising. Those who have faith in God seem to be able to do this a little easier, so given I am not particularly religious, I will need to put faith in the universe and trust that it will all work out. When I need, I often think of my Granny who passed when I was 7 and thoughts of her being with me are reassuring.

Last year I did a vision board which contained goals for the year ahead. These can be around, health, family, relationships, career, possessions, money, community etc. As I am such a visual person I found this very helpful and kept me focused. While I did not achieve everything it is amazing how far we have come in 12 months. I started with using a life wheel to understand where I needed to focus my energy and then identify aspects and goals around these areas to improve my overall scores. For someone who worries about everything this is really powerful and I found it super fun to complete (cos I am a massive nerd).

Here are a couple of helpful websites if you are interested in giving it a go yourself:

http://www.startofhappiness.com/wheel-of-life-a-self-asses…/

http://www.soulschoolonline.com/to…/visioning/vision-boards/

Have you created your own vision board? Is there another strategy you use to focus on your goals?