The “Cancer Survivor Award” is not enough!
Is it over? Am I there yet? Can I go home? Despite finishing chemo over 2 weeks ago, it is only now that I can try to feel excited about accomplishing this milestone, recover and prepare this next stage of treatment. I say “try” as I was expecting to feel euphoric, but instead I feel flat, teary, tired and just a bit pissed off. Why after being presented with the “Cancer Survivor Award”, am I now feeling down? Is it because I have been in survival mode and the enormity …is only just hitting me? Is it that I am just so bone tired after chemo (and H2 STILL waking every night) that everything is amplified and I am feeling a little sensitive? Is it because my body has let me down so I have lost all trust in my own ability? Is it because I have gained so much weight I have nothing in my wardrobe to wear?
I am all hormones
I have conquered the biggest mountain on this journey and now I get to check out the view and take stock of the damage. The reality is that the residue effects of chemo drugs and steroids are still floating amongst my cells. I am so tired and have felt every side effect that feeling normal is such a foreign concept that I cannot recall what normal is like. After a little research it is hardly surprising that finishing steroids can leave you a little emotional. They are after all hormones!
I look different, I feel different.
As for the weight gain….well that is just the cherry on the cake. The negative emotions I feel about gaining weight are not overshadowed by having survived cancer. Looking in the mirror is like looking at a train wreck. However, I have accepted that I have many new scars, and new breasts that are a little lumpy bumpy wonky donky but I totally reject my new body shape This week I tried so hard to follow Isagenix….but it was impossible. My cravings ruled and the volume of food I needed is different to before. So these are the two things I can do. Take my time and set some goals. It is time for me to be back in the driving seat and take control. Focusing on some strategies will give me a sense of achievement and remove all power from the cancer!
Focusing on new goals
So here are my goals:
1. Wear my Fit Bit everyday to keep myself accountable
2. Exercise 2x week
3. Start Isagenix (use gentle program to maintain and establish wins)
4. Dedicate time to Boadicea Brown and establish link to Mental Health charity
5. Grow hair (love that I don’t have to DO anything to achieve this – unless of course it does not grow back)
6. Celebrate Wins
What are your goals? Share, I would love to hear them!
Be Kind to Yourself. You are Amazing!
P.S: We also have some real silver cufflinks for the men in your life.
See Cufflink Collection
Leave A Comment