Mirror, mirror on the wall, does my bum look big in this?
Have you ever caught yourself standing in-front of the mirror naked and looking at yourself at every angle possible with complete and total revulsion? The internal dialogue sounds something like this: My stomach sticks out, I have cellulite, I have stretchmarks, my thighs rub together when I walk, my bum cheeks are closer to the back of knees than where my bottom should be! Make sure the lights are out next time we are in bed! Your body image is not about what you see in the mirror, but what you hear in your mind.
Enough is Enough
So by the age of 40 there are just a few things I want to shed from my life for good! One of which is this ridiculous notion about trying to have the perfect body, or trying to return to my younger 20-something body. If I can return to my {insert watershed moment in life here} weight then I will be happy; said every chick in the modern world. Like the image of what I will see in the mirror will somehow change how I feel about myself. But in reality I spent just as many hours hating my body with as much determination and fervor in my 30s as I did in my 20s. Well that has to stop, now! I refuse to continue this colossal waste of energy and self-hate another moment.
Societies Beauty is only Skin Deep
There are the obvious cultural stereotypes that come from outrageous glossy magazines, music videos and social media profiles which influence how we see ourselves. Somehow in today’s society, and maybe through the ages, our appearance alone has defined our beauty and who we are. Hopefully this is starting to shift, but it starts with us. From a deeper level, I believe our body-image and related self-esteem is established by how people respond to your physical appearances as we grow up. It is only later that the outside cultural environment, may or may not influence how you see yourself. My favourite example of how much influence one person can have is Dawn French’s story of how her father reacted to her getting ready for her first dance at 13 years old. ‘He sat me down and told me that I was beautiful, that I was the most precious thing in his life, that he prized me above all else, and that he was proud to be my father.” This had a profound effect on her, influencing her view of herself and that she did not have to conform to societies norms to carve out her career or self-worth. Dawn French is one of the most successful female comics and she wears her body as her badge of honour. I love her for this!
Your body is a Work of Art
Accepting what you look like and loving yourself for it, is not being a narcissist, but giving yourself the respect and self-love you deserve. To manifest a healthy mental state, body-image has a critical part to play. But this does not come from the image you see in the mirror, but the thoughts your body invokes in your mind. Today I simply try not to stand in front of the mirror, naked, breathing in and out trying make my stomach flatten. What I see now is a work of art that has taken 40 years to create. A body that created and gave birth two humans. A body that survived breast cancer. A body that breathes, walks, dances, comforts, feels and loves. If you are a parent, no matter boy or girl it is your job to make sure they know that they are beautiful and they are not the simple some of what anyone can see but who they are, what they can offer, their strengths, their flaws and everything in between make them worthy of love, always.
Your Body is the Only Place to Live in
Your body is a place to express yourself not to hide or be ashamed of. Wear your skin with pride. Do you think your partner sees all those flaws you see? No way, they are just happy that they can see you naked! Once you can accept your body in all its unapologetic glory, and you let go of your insecurities, this translates into confidence and a deeper inner beauty. In my book, a confident 40-something year old women is way more sexy than an insecure 20-something year old. So turn the lights on, do a nudie run around the house, flash your bangers through the window, have fun, after all, your body is the only place you get to live in!
(This last picture was taken a day before my breast cancer surgery. It was very liberating getting a professional photo shoot done to capture some of my body parts before I said goodbye! I am hoping to do a post-surgery shoot in the not too distant future.)
How do you feel about your body? Has it changed over the years? Please comment below, I would love to hear from you!
Remember be kind to yourself, you are amazing!
P.S: Treat yourself or someone special to a piece of gorgeous real silver from the Boadicea Brown Collection.
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