Mindset is Everything

My new normal

Mindset is EVERYTHING in this thing called life. The ups and downs are defined not by the things that happen to you but by the way you process these events. For me, setting goals and looking ahead to “my magic end date” was key for getting me through cancer surgery and subsequent treatment. In fact I often apply goals and timelines to most areas of my life. So, with hindsight when my recovery did not go to plan, it was inevitable that the wheels fell off and I crashed into a ditch once my magic date past. I was desperately aiming to resume my normal life. Life as I recalled pre-cancer and pre-treatment. Expect one major aspect had changed: me.

Get used to the rollercoaster

Despite engaging with the experts, and finding out that this post cancer meltdown was common, and that I need to aim for a new normal, this provided little comfort. Throughout this journey you are bombarded by cancer characteristics, surgical options, treatment plans, and side-effect management. But very little energy goes into preparing you for post cancer. One day you wake up, the cancer has gone and you have a pile of dishes to clean, screaming children to attend to, both while holding onto your post cancer emotional roller-coaster except there are no handles and no safety harness in sight.

Build a harness

A few weeks have past and the rollercoaster has slowed and I have had time to install a makeshift safety harness. I am still hanging on for dear life, but I can now open my eyes and take in glimpses of the scenery. The safety harness has many buckles and florescent glow in the dark symbols, but is holding steady for now. So how did I make this harness? I have tried and tested the following and recommend them to you, should you find yourself anywhere on the cancer roller-coaster ride (or indeed a loved one):

1. Get Help

Ask for help and accept help where-ever possible. This is really important and you are so worth the bother!

2. Outsource

Outsource domestic tasks to family, friends or professional cleaner. These are essential to running a house hold and must be done before things get totally out of control. Besides why waste your precious energy on such boring essentials.

3. Build up reserves

Batch cook meals and freeze for future use. No-one has died yet of having spaghetti bolognaise for 3 nights in a row.

4. Alternative Medicines

Tap into alternative medicines to aid your treatment plan and recovery. Acupuncture, reflexology, massage, nutritional supplements, herbal teas have all helped. Even if not scientifically proven, they all made me feel better in some way.

5. Make-Up

Book into “Look Good, Feel Better”. Such an awesome organisation, no more applying make-up while at the traffic lights!

6. Rest up.

I am such a doer that “resting” is just not in my DNA. So I sort TV series, movie and book recommendations. Make a list and work through them!

7. Book in some fun stuff to do!

In my book this is catching up with girlfriends. During my treatment and PCERC I felt that my company was a burden to others as I was not myself so I have avoided catching up with friends. Seriously what was I thinking??? So I might have a bit of Debbie Downer about me right now, but something tells me I could be forgiven for that!

8. Engage the experts.

In the last month I have booked in sessions with a psychologist, cancer councillor, breast cancer patient navigator, oncologist, GP and psychiatrist. ALL of these have helped and have validated my emotions and made me feel safe.

9. Be kind to yourself.

Listen to your internal dialogue and ask yourself would you talk to your best friend like that? Can you catch yourself being mean and change what you are thinking? While hard to do, this alone will change your thoughts from a destructive to a healing mindset.

10. Finally accept the roller-coaster.

You cannot get off, so go with it, and try to let go. Focus on enjoying the wind on your still bald head and your stomach in your mouth. Ultimately you cannot control cancer but you can control the way to feel and respond to it. I am now at peace with it taking another year before I feel a new normal, whatever that may be!

Hope this helps you or someone you know.

Be kind to yourself, remember you are amazing!

P.S: When your appearance dramatically changes, for whatever reason, it can be vital to do things that continue to make you feel good about yourself.  We have a beautiful range of real silver jewellery to help accessorise your look.  I loved waearing statement earrings with my head scarf.  These are some of my favourites.

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