I have some news

At 4am this morning I was wide awake thinking how am I to tell the people I love some news. The thought of calling you, or Skyping you, or emailing you individually was overwhelming, so call me selfish if you wish, but I decided to turn to facebook as a way to talk to you all.

But before I tell you my news, I will back track to last April when I attended a self-development course which really changed how I think about my mental illness.

Bipolar a journey of acceptance

As many of you know I have bipolar (and for those of you who don’t know, this really is a pretty intense post, and for that I am sorry). So far I have had 3 visits to a psychiatric ward, countless therapy sessions and will be on medication for the rest of my life. My journey of self-discovery and acceptance has been a long and bumpy one.

While I have recently felt accepting of bipolar being a part of my life and who I am, it was in April that the feeling of shame disappeared. During the course I felt a sense of excitement and anticipation that maybe if I shared my story then someone else might not feel so alone. Maybe if I could make a difference to someone who is facing the terror and darkness that is bipolar. Maybe someone else may not be so quick to judge. Maybe my story could help change the stigma that is ingrained in our society about mental illness. When I completed this course I felt lighter, happier and if something good could come from my struggle to just function in my day to day life, then I could live with that.

My only terror was what would people think and how would I do this?

Then 2 days ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Breast Cancer

To reassure you, my prognosis is good, apparently I will make a full recovery but I will have to undergo surgery (most likely a mastectomy) and chemotherapy. My recovery is going to take some time and my body and mind will need to adjust. But the Oncologist is positive and I just have to trust the experts. Although I must admit I almost threw up all over the poor guy as he went through all my options, giving me a lonely tissue was not going to cut it. Not to mention the thought of the waste as I have only just bought a bunch of new bras, some of which still have labels on them! During this surreal time I have been thinking that I haven’t begun to do the things I wanted to do. I feel like I have been married 20 mins and I am still getting used to being a mummy, despite Heston turning 5 in a few days.

So fuck you fear, life is too short, here is my story and this is what I ask of you:

Check with your mind and with your body

Firstly be honest, share and support. Chances are you know someone who is affected by anxiety, or depression or some sort of mental health challenge. Or maybe it is you who is suffering. Check in with those around you and see how they are really doing. Tell someone. There is help not too far away.

Secondly, check those boobies, or your partners for bumps. If you are unsure just go to the doctor. This happened to me so it could happen to anyone.

I love you and I am sorry that I have had to write these words to you xxx

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