Time to Slow Down
So this is day 4 in hospital, and I am going a little crazy! Though this forced time out has given me the opportunity to think about how I am coping with my illness, mindset and current circumstances. A few days ago I thought I could continue as normal. Continue to get out of bed, continue to look after the kids, continue to do the washing, continue to work, continue to build Boadicea, continue prepare dinner and occasionally have a chemo treatment. But it has not been that simple.
To support your body through chemo patients are given steroids. These steroids have the side effect of making you “high”. This could be a dangerous combination with my mental health, as I have been known at times to clean the house, while looking after kids, speaking on the phone and preparing dinner. So for me the Oncologist halved the dose, this resulted in feeling like I had been run over by a truck for 7 days. Then 2 days later I found myself in emergency with neutropenia.
Up to this point I think have been in denial about chemo. I feel like I have been focusing more on continuing as normal and completing to-do lists not my health and recovery. The guilt associated with not being able to achieve what I have planned has been overwhelming. But the reality is I need to be comfortable asking and accepting help, slowing down, and forgetting about the to-do list. It is time for a shift in mindset, where my body directs the show. Because we all know we are nothing without our health.
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